Another year goes flying by. Christ, where did it go? Two years today. There are so many things I’d like to tell my dad. If only I could talk to him for a minute I’d tell him all about his wonderful grandson. “Yes, that’s right dad, you have a grandson. Benjamin Mark Doucette, named after you. You would have enjoyed him and him you for sure.”…
As I think about the good times that we shared, such as camping and swimming, being tossed over your head and into the cold seawater at the beach, teaching me to play the guitar, or even just watching you tinker with old cars and me trying to hand you the correct wrench and listening to the string of profanities that would come out of your mouth when the wrench would slip. All that stuff makes me smile and almost laugh, but at the same time it brings a tear to my eye. Bittersweet.
I had always hoped that you would share some of this stuff with your grandkids, minus the profanity, of course. Lol. I wouldn’t trade those memories for anything. I hope someday Ben can look back and have a fond laugh or smile when he thinks of me. “Dad, you went away way too early and I’m very sorry that new people in this world are missing out on knowing you. You would have made an amazing grandparent and I’m deeply sorry that Benjamin will not have a chance to meet you. Who can tell what you guys would have done together. I’m sure there would have been many good times and he would have been spoiled rotten.”
The thought of all that freakin’ kills me, and I just have to grin and bear it every day.
Dad, I love you and miss you. R.I.P. 1954-2009