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Misheard…..Huh,what?

As you know, if you have been following along at all, is that I have a passion for music. Although I have this great love affair with music, I sometimes mishear or misremember the lyrics … which brings me to misheard lyrics – some lyrics I’ve been singing wrong for 20-25 years, maybe longer. That is crazy!

I figure them out sometimes in the car. Maybe as I age, I become more attuned or more sensitive to the words, or maybe I just pay more attention. Who knows for sure. It also happens when someone sings a song on TV and they annunciate the words differently.
Here are some prime examples of my mishearing … George Harrison’s My Sweet Lord. You know the one. “My sweet lord (hallelujah) Hmm, my lord.” I hear, “My love, oh sweet love” … not only the wrong lyrics, but the wrong song title. Not sure for how many years I was getting that one wrong. Wow, I’m a dolt. I just heard this properly for the first time in the car the other night. What the hell? The song has been around for so long. Huh! I’m sure my ears are changing (and it helps that the title scrolls across the consol). It’s great to finally figure out lyrics, but as was the case with Bon Jovi, I felt like an idiot. The song You Give Love a Bad Bame. I thought it was “Whoa oh your love is gone.” That makes sense in the song to me. But actually, it’s “oh, you’re a loaded gun. I’ve been singing that wrong since 1986. Holy shit! Heard it correctly on American Idol. Not that I watch that (ooooooh that Simon so Handsome). I just tuned into watch that one particular song (yeah right, ha ha). The list goes on. How about Breakfast at Tiffany’s by Deep Blue Something? The actual lyric is “And I said what about Breakfast at Tiffany’s? She said I think I remember the film”. Me, I thought it was “I said what about breakfast at Tiffany’s she said I, think I, remember what it felt like”. Crazy! It doesn’t even fit with the music beats i had to sing it fast to even fit. It was like I had an epiphany when I figure that one out. So many songs like that. You know the chorus, but the rest is humming or made up words that sound like they fit. Or how about Peter Gabriel’s Games Without Frontier. The first lyrics “she so Happier.” or at least this is what I thought, and I couldn’t have been any farther away from the actual lyrics. It actually is “Jeux sans frontieres.” Freakin French! (Download it, give it a listen). Are my ears that bad?. Another prime example is Pour Some Sugar on Me by Def Leppard. I still have no clue what the actual lyrics are. I do know it’s all about the sex (like most great rock music). So here we go. Here is what I hear and try to sing:
Livin’ like a bum and I couldn’t get on
Livin’ like a lover with a red eye phone.
Livin’ like a champ, like a video vam
(By the way, what the hell is a video vam?)
Demolition woman can I be your man
Raz-a-little-daz a little cash a little light
Television lover baby do all night
Some time anytime sugar me sweet
Little miss evil said sugar me … yeah

OK, some of that doesn’t make sense. I will look up the correct lyrics. Man, I love the inter-webs! Goolge can find anything! Here are the real lyrics:
Love is like a bomb, baby, c’mon get it on
Livin’ like a lover with a radar phone
Lookin’ like a tramp, like a video vamp
Demolition woman, can I be your man?
Razzle ‘n’ a dazzle ‘n’ a flash a little light
Television lover, baby, go all night
Sometime, anytime, sugar me sweet
Little miss ah innocent sugar me, yeah

Well there you have it, I’m not too far off. I know, you’re gonna get the song and check it against my lyrics. Well have fun. Sometimes I sing the lyrics wrong on purpose and then I actually convince myself that the ones I sing are correct. Examples are the Sexy Bitch song by David Guetta ft. Akon, such a degrading song. What a way to talk about women. Chorus: Damn, you’s a sexy bitch, sexy bitch! (repeat over and over ‘cause he ran out of lyrics.)

For some reason, I always sing “Damn, who’s a crazy bitch? Crazy bitch.” and I actually tricked my mind into thinking that those are the correct lyrics and the name of the song. I was asking wifey the other day who sings it so I could get it for a ring tune, and she’s like “ it’s not crazy bitch, it’s sexy bitch.” Oh well. No matter, ‘cause if you live with them long enough, even the sexiest ones turn into the craziest ones (lol). Or how about in the song Brown Eyed Girl (Van Morrison), after the base solo … “So hard to find my way, now that I’m on my way. I saw you just the other day, my how your breasts have grown.” Now, we all know that breasts are not there, but they should be … I guess I got boobs on the brains, but it fits in the song. I think I made the song better.

It doesn’t matter if you mishear the lyrics and sing the wrong ones, music should be enjoyed and sung at high levels, even if you can’t sing and don’t know the proper lyrics. It should make you happy or sad or laugh out loud. Music is great and should be celebrated. Wow, I went all Tony Robbins on your ass. I feel positive, I feel great…) and as far as messing up the lyrics, what’s the worst that can happen? You won’t go to jail or be set in front of a firing squad. Worst case scenario, you will be publicly ridiculed or just laughed at by your spouse. Hey, I can handle that. So keep those vocal pipes well lubricated. I find beer works the best, but feel free to substitute for whichever poison you prefer.

“I wanna rock and roll all night and part of every day” … Oops! Yeah, like I would mess that one up.

 
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Posted by on November 18, 2010 in Uncategorized

 

Snap

So, BigWes joins a gym.
Can someone please explain this?
I mean, why would BigWes join a gym? He’s perfectly wonderful just the way he is. He’s in the best shape of this life … round is a shape.

But seriously, folks, what the hell is the deal with people and the gym? These muscled-out people or pretty boys going to gym and checking themselves out in the mirror. Lifting weights that are too heavy. Doing one or two reps then dropping them to the floor. BANG! And their groaning sounds like they are trying to take a dump. These idiots should stay home … lift one or two, then have a drink of their power shake, groan and lift some more, then check out their biceps in the mirror while flexing and fixing their hair, then repeating steps one and two. Drives me absolutely nuts. I watch all of this from the cardio machines. I’m a people watcher. I also watch people at the mall. Could kill hours doing this …
Me, BigWes, goes to the gym for one reason and one reason only, to stare at the women. Ha, ha. No seriously, I go for the cardio (It’s good to keep the heart in shape) and some weight lifting. Definitely liking the bump in my arms since I started going. And the bump in the mid-section is starting to get smaller. I go, do what I have to do, watch who I need to watch, and work out. I’m not there to play “mirror, mirror on the wall” or to fix my hair. So gay!
I’m not kidding about these guys. The other day, this guy walked in with the most craziest hair and I remember thinking that it looks retarded (remember, my blog, my opinion). It was kind of a faux hawk with a mullet and came to a “V” in the back and had a rat tail. Gay, gay, gay (not that there is anything wrong with that. Ha.) I was like “what the F!” So, I keep doing my thing and this guy’s lifting weights, groaning, checking himself out and playing with his hair. My gawd, I almost went over and punched him for being and looking so stupid. Really, you’re already looking at yourself in the mirror, so why can’t you spot the lack of style?!?!? Sorry, I mean the lack of good style. If you’re going to do the “pretty boy” routine, you have to be a pretty boy. Stay home!!!
Or maybe it’s just me with the issues. In fact, I’m sure it is. No one else seems to have issues with these guys … of course, everyone else is staring only at themselves while I’m looking at them. How can you not look at them? They’re groaning, one louder than the next, in a competition to see who will get the most attention from onlookers. Well, I guess they’re all winners, cause I look at every single one of them … of course, I’m laughing at them as I do that, but they don’t need to know that (their arm bumps are bigger than mine … for now).
“Uuuurrrrgggggg”!!! (my best attempt at spelling a groan)

 
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Posted by on November 4, 2010 in Uncategorized

 

A couple of vans

Hey folks, let’s rewind once again and explore the splender that is Wes. I’ve said before and I will say it again. This here blogging stuff it’s good therapy.So here we go. Let me tell ya about a couple of vans that we had when I was growing up. I’m sure we had more, but I guess these ones left an impression on me ‘cause I can only remember stuff about them. One when I was young and one when I was old enough to drive … One year, the fam decided to take a road trip to Ontario. P.E.I – Ontario, It seems so far of a drive to a kid. Now I have no problem driving it. It’s like 20 hours or a little less.

We loaded up the old van … As I’ve said before, my Dad had a passion for old cars, vans, etc. Well, this was no exception. He bought it for $75 I think. Crazy! I can’t even buy a tire for my car for that much. It was a ‘79 Chev panel van. It was amazing. I remember Dad being extra-excited that it had a 350 big block engine in it and not the typical 305, and dual exhaust out to the side in front of the rear tires. Wow, That engine, what a nice rumble ( listen to me like I know anything about cars. Ha ha) It was red with black running boards on the outside, and was all pimped out with carpet and Pine wood on the inside. It even had a bunk at the back.(Can you picture it?) On some other occasions, I’m sure it would have made a great shagon wagon, but to us it was our family van (it was long gone by the time I was old enough to drive. Quel dommage.) OK, back to the loading up of the van … We loaded all our stuff and headed off to Ontario. Oh ya, there were 7 of us – my grandmother, my aunt and the five of us. The van was only a two-seater. (Two captain chairs at the front) We put an arm chair for my aunt and a lawn chair for my grandma,(Yep we’re hicks) us kids just hung out in the back in the bunk or there was also a bench under a huge speaker at the opening to the bunk that we could sit on. (And what a sound system… 8 track). This was before the seatbelt law. You only needed seatbelts for the seats that were stationary in the vehicle. That’s nuts. The folks decided to drive through the States(cheaper gas) and come out in Niagara Falls. I don’t recall too much, except it was hard to get a motel with Canadian money. Dad even tried to buy something with a $100 Canadian bill so he could get American change, but they gave him back Canadian. “Those bastards gave me Canadian money back,” he said. I also remember this trip because it was the first time I got to taste beer. (or at least the first time I can remember liking it) It was a long hot drive and Dad was thirsty, so we pulled over to get a drink. The old man bought a beer. “This is great,” he said, “You can get beer at the corner store.” I remember Mom scolding him for drinking while driving. He just said, “Relax, it’s light beer,” and it was. It was Coors Light and he saved me a sip. Ah yes, “Welcome to manhood,” I thought. Ha, I think I was 11.

We arrived at the U.S. border and the guard was asking the usually questions and looked in and saw all 7 of us and laughed. He told us to have a great time in Ontario and to have a safe trip back. (he reached his hand in and knocked on the wood trim as he said this) Wow, now you would be hauled in for interrogation or immigration, the van ripped apart and they would want to see all your papers. Times do change. Dad later traded that van for a Chevette of all things. An even trade. Who does that?

Now we come to my shagon wagon. Another one of Dad’s many “luxury” van deals. Man, even in its day I’m not sure this thing was ever luxury. It was a 1969 or ‘70 Ford van. It had over three-hundred thousand kilometres on it, maybe close to 400,000 when he bought it. I think he only paid $200 for it (big bucks). It needed paint. No problem, the folks painted it with rollers and paint brushes in the front yard – so professional. It was a camper van and had a pop up roof, like a VW van. Armstrong steering (not power) and no power breaks, and to make things worse, the steering was loose and had about a half of a turn of play, so when driving it, you looked like you were over-acting in a driving scene from an ‘80s movie. And to get it stopped, you had to almost stand on the breaks. Ah yes, good times. It was a workout driving that thing. (steering back and forth and standing on the breaks). You would be covered in sweat when you arrived at your destination. I camped in it for a summer at my girlfriend’s house. We both worked together, so it was convenient to drive in together Everyone at work would always say, “Wes … You live in a van down by the river.” I had no clue what they were talking about. Apparently, it’s a skit from SNL with Chris Farley I didn’t have cable. I lived in a van down by the river, for Pete’s sake. I was big, like Chris Farley, and stayed in a van, so my co-workers thought it was funny to poke fun at me, all day, every day. It was all good fun. I would just shrug it off and laugh. I just now viewed a clip of Chris Farley as Matt Foley (“I live in a van down by the river”) on You Tube, and yep, it’s still funny! (I love technology and the Internets. Everything is out there.) What a great summer I had with the old van. I would drive it to work when we had a split shift, just in case we wanted to take a “nap.” I also took it to a few staff parties. It’s always good to have somewhere to lay your head after a long night of drinking the wobbly pops. It wasn’t great, nor was it a good van by any means, but it served its purpose, got me from point A to point B. I’m not sure what Dad did with it. I know they still had it when I left for college. He should have taken it to the wreckers. He more than likely traded it to someone for another car that they would use until it was worn out or could be traded for something different. Trading and driving, and trading again, or buying $100 vehicles … growing up we had many good vehicles and many not-so-good ones I guess that’s the risk you take when making these kinds of deals. Thank god I didn’t inherit that gene. I like my vehicles on the newer side. What can I say? I’m high maintenance.

 
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Posted by on October 28, 2010 in Uncategorized

 

To carb, or not to carb

Wow! I’m really tired of being penalized for not wanting to eat carbs. You ask to sub more veggies or a salad and the “f”ers want to charge you. I mean, come on, how much does some lettuce or broccoli cost? It’s a load of BS! Sometimes they want up to 3 bucks for the substitution. What a crock!!!!!!!!!!

Ever heard of a guy from PEI that does NOT eat potato? Well now you have. I’m not sure they will let me back in. Ha, ha. No, I haven’t cashed in my Island card yet. I still do enjoy potatoes, but now it’s maybe once a month or less. I would rather sub my carbs for something not so heavy (not so carbolicious).I mean, I know that you don’t keep this physique by not eating potatoes and lots of carbs, so I do have to indulge myself sometimes. I’m just trying to cut it back. Society does not want me to, well society can take a long honk on bobo for all I care. I have no problem doing this at home, it’s just when I go out. It’s not too often, maybe twice a month, but what the hell, restaurants are always pushing their extra carbs. Two apps for the price of one (all carbs), two desserts (mmmm…yummy, but carbs) and French fries or a bed of rice or mashed or even baked potatoes, sometimes even a combo of two.

You can never substitute a carb for another meat (that would be awesome, but unheard of). You can’t even substitute it for salad! Drives me absolutely nuts, and makes me so angry! I don’t want to eat it so I have to pay more, is this right? I think not. No wonder there are so many big people out there.

There was a time when I loved to double-carb it. They were good times. You know, potatoes and perogies or fries and a bed of rice. Or how about wedges with a side of roasted potatoes for dinner and, sometimes, garlic bread on top of that? Sounds good, no? That’s cause it is. Ha.

I see now that it’s all about balance. In fact, when I cut back on the carbs, I lost a pile of weight. A variation of the Atkins diet. I hate that word – diet. I still eat whatever I want whenever I want. Diet, shmiet. Everyone knows that the first three letters of diet are die. I tried to do Atkins strictly, but the problem with it is that you always got to check if you can eat this or that. Is it on the list? Can I have it often? All the time? Or avoid? Who needs that? Basically, if I want it, I will have it, and that’s that. I’m just more aware of what I’m eating. And it seems to work. I lost almost 90 lbs doing this, and I don’t want to gain it back. On the other hand, a man’s gotta live. For example, challa bread … who can resist that on Friday night dinners? I can never pass up having some bread and hummus. Or how about beer or scotch. Again, who could resist?

As my life continues on, I’m still searching for the perfect balance and hope to find it someday. I’m also waiting for the doctors to tell me that binge drinking and fast food is the healthier alternative to exercise and vegetables, or maybe a liquid lunch once or twice a week. But I’m not holding my breath for this. Doctors are slow with change. Ha, ha. So let me recap … Life is all about balance, so let’s eat to live and live to eat.

 
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Posted by on October 21, 2010 in Uncategorized

 

Take the good with the bad

Another year wiser,
Another year older.
Another year of happiness,
Another year of sadness.
Another year of laughter,
Another year of tears.
Another year of celebrations,
Another year of sorrows.
Another year with family and friends,
Another year with conflicts and wars.
Another year of work,
Another year of bills.
Another year of sun,
Another year of wind, snow and rain.
Another year of fine scotches and beers,
Another year of wine and cheese.
Another year of women and song,
Another year of nights that end too soon.
Another year of making memories,
Another year of forgotten times.

Yes folks, these are the wonders of life, with all its joys and pains. Here’s to year number 34.

“Another one bites the dust, another one bites the dust, and another one gone, another one gone, another one bites the dust.” – Queen

 
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Posted by on October 14, 2010 in Uncategorized

 

Photography

The other year I talked Karen into buying a Canon Rebel XSI. We got a great deal at a Boxing Day sale. We were in the market for a new camera. The one we had was a piece of garbage. Karen was looking for a point and shoot, and I was looking for something with a bit more power. (Grunt, grunt) I called up my associate RC and asked him if it was a deal. He said something like “yah sure, go for it, sounds good.” (I’m paraphrasing, it was a few years now) So we bought it and we’re lovin’ it. We take it almost everywhere we go … weddings, walks in the park, and I even take it to work for work photography. It is a bit big, which Karen doesn’t like too much (due to the fact that she usually ends up carrying the bag while I take the pics). Someday, I may have to buy her the smaller point and shoot. You know, they’re good for concerts and sporting events where the SLR is too big. It’s not all about the size all the time.

We took it on our trip overseas and got some excellent pictures. Better than I would have ever imagined getting. Everyone on the street thought I was the news or paparazzi. People were posing and asking me to take their picture. One guy thought we were spies, spying on his crappy little diner. I‘m kind of big to be a spy and I kind of stand out. (What a dumbass) I was simply practising night shots on the street, trying to get the blur effect of the car light. So much I need to learn. So many different lighting effects and settings, wow, not sure I will ever learn them all. Ah, it’s only for fun anyway. We have taken pictures at a few weddings. This is a good spot to learn which settings work and which ones don’t. All sorts of different lighting and such. Sometimes the pictures turn out and sometimes they don’t, but that’s the joy of digital. Take another and another until you get the shot that you like. That’s all good if people are posing, if not it’s a little rough. Although it’s still better than film photography. At least you know what it looks like. With film, you take pictures and have to wait to find out that they didn’t turn out. That sucks. (Kids… Film: a role of thin plastic with some kind of chemicals that react to light. You install it in the camera, take 12, 24 or 36 pictures, and then you need to get the pictures developed at a store.)No SD cards or memory and no uploading to your PC.) Let’s call it old school to be cool.

I really enjoy taking and editing pictures. It keeps me out of trouble. You know idol hands are the devils playground. I even put up a website so the admiring public could see all of our amazing and not so amazing pics – whether it be trips, weddings or random shots. The Photography section of the site is great, filled with miscellaneous and scenery pictures, I love them all. I put some of my favourite pictures there. Check it out if you like. WKD Photography I always love to plug our website any chance I can get (I’m shameless). Enjoy…

Some of the pictures were fluke. I was trying for one effect but got another altogether different one, but still looked good. I am getting better now, and usually get what I’m trying for. If not on the first try, I get it by the second or third. That is a really good feeling … to plan for a shot and get it. Plus, I’m learning Photoshop so that helps.Yep, shoot everything in RAW mode and fix it later It’s all trial and error, but it sure would be nice to have someone show me the trials.(Lol)

 
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Posted by on October 7, 2010 in Uncategorized

 

Waste some time

Ok readers, I’m bored and have nothing to do, so I want to try an experiment, so here we go … I will attempt to write this whole post using no periods; you will be reading and thinking that it looks like one run-on sentence with a bunch of buts, ands and sos, I believe they are called conjunctions, yep, just Googled it to make sure – Google knows everything about everything and it rocks – anyway, movin’ on, and back to the task at hand, this paragraph will go on and on, and will be very painful for you, as the reader, since you will read, hoping to find some funny antidotes about my youth, my college days, my in-laws or my outlaws, but there will be nothing , nothing, nothing, just words and commas,,,,,, just me, BigWes, rambling on and on and trying to get words out to fill the page and kill some time … (BTW, the three dots together is called an ellipse, not three periods) fun for me, as I’m hoping to break a world record for the longest phrase, and secure a spot in the Guinness Book of World Records ,so let’s keep going, and it will look like forever, and you will think that there is some substance to this post, but, in the end, there really isn’t, ha, ha … just one long sentence about nothing, and you will wish you could get the time back that you wasted reading this, but it’s gone and it’s too late, way too late, and if I were you, and thank God that I’m not, I wouldn’t have even hit the link to this one, ha ha, ha, ha, ha, so freaking crazy how many of those darn little things it takes to make a good document, blog, e-mail, etcetera, maybe I will try a book next time, yep, surely a best seller, 300 pages about nothing, with hundreds of thousands of commas, (evil laugh), and, of course, then they will make a movie about it and get some crazy, funny guy to portray me, and I’m pretty sure they would have gotten Chris Farley or John Candy, but they are dead, so I guess Seth Rogan or Kevin James or even and an orangutan would do just fine – so that, my friends, pretty much sums it up, huh, I’ve now typed over four hundred words and haven’t used the “stop,” and it still seems to make some kind of sense, even if it is about nothing, at least it does for me, but hey, I’m not sure that it’s the longest run-on sentence ever, but it’s the longest one I’ve ever written, so there ya go, I’ve wasted your time for long enough for one day, so, in closing, I’d like to say thank you for stopping buy and I will see you next time,and hopefully i will have something more exciting to say… now get back to work!

 
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Posted by on September 30, 2010 in Uncategorized